rbsn ~ excursive

thank god blueberry waffles are considered vegetarian.

and in other news, i like to think of myself as omniscient and fucking brilliant.

look! the mugs and mugs of cawfee high are kicking in!!!!!!!! caving in!!!! whatever!!!!!

scenes from econ1b…
prof: so, most consumers would spend their money to maximize their satisfaction. you would never just throw your money away. where would you even find to throw your money away?

smartass: i throw my money away on girls.

scenes from a casual conversation…
hugo: the way i see it, i hitchhiked my way through life.

me: just thumbed your way through huh?

snipped from the subconscious…
midway between sleep and wakefulness: shit! it’s eight-ten! late for class again!! oh waitaminute…
choosing appetizers for last night’s dinner: sliced pig ears. omg spicy sliced pig ears. want…want!!!
choosing breakfast this morning: that looks like all egg…with ham. the breakfast burrito has salsa!….and ham. dammit! dammit!!!

sitting in the comp lab right now trying to while away time until 11. for the first time in a looong time, there isn’t any extremely pressing thing to do. besides having to go pee.

a categorgy of broken parts…

for some reason my hands are the most chapped and paper-cutted they’ve ever been in my entire life. i wonder if it’s due to the dry combination of winter and washing my hands too often after arch sessions.

keep falling asleep. the ability to zone out in the middle of anything. for example: blanked for probably at least five minutes in the computer lab while sketching yesterday. bizarre.

suffering from the unhealthy twosome of caffeine hyperactivity and all-around mental tiredness. yieah, that’ll do wonders for the self-initiative it will.

absolutely the most violent dreams i’ve ever had all within the last few days. driving into people, connecting lines while trying to solve a murder, and general unsettling subjects. i’d blame my catching a portion of yesterday’s silence of the lambs but then i’ve been dreaming in wackland for longer than that now.

absolutely paranoid about eating meat. i’d question the ingredients of a food even after seriously, and deliberately, analyzing its contents. like, i know this dish came from the vegetarian restaurant, but i’d still be caught mid-eating with the sudden blaze of “is this meat?! oh no!!”. my brain needs help dammit.

globat stats look to have a decent chance of breaking 3gig this month. y’know.

i know exactly what i want to be doing. and it’s not sitting at this lame computer still running win98 and procrastinating on sketches for arch class.

at least there’s no class this friday.

when did we start taking entire days off to celebrate ceaser chavez’s birfday? not that i don’t think he’s, like, totally awesomical. just wasn’t aware when cali’d initiated this holiday. at any rate, he kicks more ass than mlk any day…and that’s saying a lot since mlk pretty much kicks ass period.

oh wow. that’s…um, my goodness. the most astounding exercise in freedom of the press i’ve yet seen (crap like cnn doesn’t count because that’s more abuse than any attempt at serious journalism). as an extension of hugo’s point, how many happily employed strippers does the author actually know? and by know, i mean know fairly well beyond a passing hello. obvious feminist issues aside, the article seems yet another indication of this country’s penchant to run “free” without restraint. to quote peter parker’s uncle: with great power comes great responsibility. while it’s true that the author isn’t pulling the proverbial fire alarm without due cause, the suggestions in his article harms on a psychological level. i don’t think him a lesser person for supporting stripping as a legitimate job, but i do think our education and culture could use some serious overhaul.

aigoo! i can post here without having to login from jedi bob! whee! i didn’t even drink cawfee t’night!

“moisturizing lipids” means that i just slathered synthetic fat cells onto my body. this in addition to smelling like that disgusting vanilla brown sugar crap from bath and body works because i forgot to take the soap bar downstairs and had to make do with the hand soap in the guest bath. i have a shit load of homework to do (tis my fault for letting it pile up) and i spent about five hours today drawing lines with a chipped parallel bar but still ending up with tracings that look crappy. because i need to learn how to sharpen as i draw dammit! as well as learn how not to chip the lead thingie wee seconds after just sharpening it. and why hasn’t anyone invented the teeny tiny pointed eraser yet? that’d take the powers of the eraser shield to all sorts of new levels it will.

if so many taiwanese kids are aspiring architects because of parental influence, then why the hell are 90 percent of the buildings in taiwan ugly as sin?!? for argument’s sake, let’s say their parents all stayed state-side and are all currently employed. then why the hell are the new buildings in los angeles ugly as sin?!? someone bring back the 20s and 40s and 60s please!! as yet, there are no schindlers or mendelsohns hailing from the formosa isle. which is pretty damn sad considering the ratio of asian to european students in pcc’s arch sequence. i’m baffled.

and yieah, also annoyed. being forced to listen to affected taiwanese mannerisms grates. shush! for the love of god!!

some guy sat diagonally from me in lab today. in three hours he had some complicated isometric diagram of a something with clean lines and shit. all i had to show in that moment were a buncha blurry lines with dirty corners. not painstaking enough. not enough time. still way fucking intimidating.

:sob: i’d like :sob: to thank! :sob sob: myself, and, of course, myself(!) :sob: for stickin to it for so long! :sob sob:

because five years later i’m seriously feeling the love from custo-ers dripping out in between the smart-ass taglines and five bajillion screen subs. featured, walled, complimented, and spotlighted. so much so that i’m actually aprehensive about uploading another sub for fear of flooding the site with my mindless photoshops. as well, it’s imperative to geek out for a sec and mention the nice fuzzies that come with getting props from the old-timey folks like c72 and max. i’m swimming in good digitalis right now.

on the flip side of the arty fart, i’m completely bewildered by the reaction to my drawing in arch class today. the teach has never given me a comment, postive or negative, except to show me how to use the adjustable triangle for hatching. aside for one criticism regarding my [tremendously hideous] freehand sketch from the first class session, i really’ve no clue regarding the quality of my work. self-criticism notwithstanding (i’ve got messy line work, smudge problems, and let’s not start on my inability to allocate space division evenly), it was utterly confusing to have my drawing scrutinzed by so many classmates today. did i do something so elementarily wrong that they’re all just having the best internal laugh ever? or was my drawing actually somewhat good? when i look at it, i see really ugly bushes (they lookin like stylized fire ew!) and not enough differentiation between line weights. i’m confussed about it all. it’s not a hard class — i think all i lack is practice — but i’ve seriously not felt so intimidated by a school subject in my entire life. math is difficult for me to understand but i know that i’ll grok it eventually. the same is applicable to chemistery and physics. i don’t feel stupid if i don’t get that stuff right way. for some reason, architecture scares me shitless…to achieve that perfect balance between logic and creativity seems impossible.

also for whatever reason, i’m all fricken social today. had lunch with maggie and angel then hung out for (three!) hours with two new friends geeking out on, among other things, fry’s, video games, skinning, and computers. i’m tired and i still’ve homework to do. but damn was it all some good times from morning till night.

if i don’t upload a photoshopped something…it’s like the entire day’s been wasted. all of a sudden, there’s somewhere definite to go. a new daily thing. self-productive for once and not puppy-dogging after the brambles of others. with this, i make a little more sense.

the night needs to be longer of course. two thirds of today was spent hunched over a drawing board and still there is more work to be done. i’d whine about it but…oh wait. i already did!

one of these days i need to jot down how i emote teary happiness when reading the constitution and the declaration of independence…the love for treason, brash courage, and all that.

not yet used as a comeback:

i’m not saying that i know everything; but i really do, in fact, know everything.

i’m not catholic so i find it interesting that i’m giving up something during lent this year. it’s been near five weeks of vegetarian eating and, um, okay, i want beef noodle soup now. not the fancy kind, just the cheap msg-filled baggie kind thanks. and crispy fried chicken. hainan chicken rice. greasy johnny rocket hamburgers. breakfast burritos. bulgogi. calbi. sashimi. garlic beef.

never thought i’d actually be thinking about how good meat will taste. a little over two more weeks until april 7th. i love you grandpa and please help ensure that my first meat meal after april 7th will be tasty because good god, i’ve missed beef!!

in other news, i can’t stop spacing out. because space is, you know, more interesting than say, uh, whatever passes for life in reality. so sad.

apparently ash gained 20 lbs. prior to filming bride and prejudice cuz she wanted to look more realistic. sorry lady. you can’t look like you do and be realistic. you’re gorgeous on a whole different level of gorgeous even with a visible tummy. for instance: my mother can’t stop raving about your hair. and i can’t stop staring at your eyes. beautiful! the accent just completes the package.

i don’t get the lick emoticon, the one’s that’s all :P. that’s sticking your tongue out. and to me, sticking your tongue out emotes disgust. but people use it to convey smart-assery and cuteness. when did this happen?!

:P

being possesed of an overwrought imagination means that a second reading of passages from the terribly-written da vinci code will create lumps in throats and the beginnings of sympathetic tears. or it could be that i had too much cawfee this morning. at any rate, the book’s a much better read if i allow for poorly knit melodramatic phrasings and a badly paced plot. the flashback? a great tool for revealing exposition without breaking immersion. unless, of course, you happen to be fleeing for your life in the middle of the world’s most famous museum, there’s a Bull cop person in hot pursuit, and you’re obviously clueless as to why your person’s been attached to murder, murder, and, uh, murder. but no, it totally makes sense to stop and experience an elaborate flashback of when you gave a buncha convicts an art history lesson. couldn’t brown’ve come up with a better way to inject the info? not that learning about amon l’isa wasn’t interesting. the one merit to this fiction is the amount of facts and theories he managed to cram in between the covers…all in layman’s terms no less. so thanks for that. and for loving women so much too — the whole “quest for the grail is to kneel at the bones of the magdalen” thing. that brought forth one of those lumps in the throats.

had a nightmare about meat last night (or maybe two nights ago?). nonchalantly ate chicken then realized, to my horror!, that i ate chicken. gasp!! the whole situation seems exceedingly comical in broad daylight. apparently i care more about eating vegetarian than i thought. which, i suppose, is comforting. too often i wonder if i’ll go through life being completely heartless about things that others weep for. i guess i just grieve and respect in my own ways.

just out of curiosity: why doesn’t anyone i know use google talk for chat? its UI is so much cleaner. and cuter. um, uh, yieah.

though, okay, i’ll admit that the happy bouncy smilie emocon for yahoo is adorable.

i had a six digit # on icq once.

who’s sauron_the_evil69??

and at that, we’ll adjourn the IM ramble for today.

it was so cold this morning that, in the space of about 10 minutes spent walking from parking lot to cawfee shop to classroom, i found myself with a massive headache. my tongue was so numb i couldn’t taste 10 ounces of my 16 ounce cawfee ration. my tongue was numb. i live in california. nobody’s tongue is supposed to go numb in california weather(!).

to think that i had such a hard time “getting” shakespeare during high school. things do make sense in time. it’s all so much tastier now…eviller, nastier, and (ha!) filthier. will did do his shake thang well back in the day.

when i go on a foto rampage, i go on a Foto Rampage. at times as many as 20 different images of one subject…cuz, hey, digital 2 gig memory card means no money spent on film. then i flush them through the grimace and toss ‘em grinder (too grainy, too fuzzy, too dark, too off-center). by the time it’s sitting among photoshop palettes, i’ve often lost about two-thirds of the initial excitement and confidence for the image. more often than not, i do a mental toss of my finished walls into the ew, crap pile.

then i’ll get some sorta feedback from various sites online and be amazed that my endless roundabouts with layers and the color dialogue actually produces a somewhat pleasing visual. people really do surprise me sometimes.

to all the non-initiates of compassion who volunteer unsolicited advice for the betterment of my life as according to their own perspectives and standards: please. SHUT UP. i love you, i know you love me, you’d do best to just leave it at that. thanks.

wow. in addition to my featured prints in the multi-display listing, as of today, 32 of my photo-wall prints at devart are on the category’s “top favorites” list…all in the top 300 as well. maybe that’s where i’ve been getting some of my hits from. the first listed of them all? none other than the cluster of clucks. it’s so amusing to me that an image i threw together in a fit of silliness should be so loved. snarkiness has a vast appeal apparently.

also nice to know that all these years of wallowing in photoshop have not gone completely unrecognized. it does, however, beg the question of why people like my images but don’t wanna buy any of them. waaah!!!

i would’ve loved to have been sitting in on this lecture.

my business law prof is a touch deranged — i spend friday mornings alternately annoyed and bemused at his vocality on everything from health (”run too hard and you’ll get a heart attack on the spot and DIE DIE DIE!!“) to the french (”the french are mean! don’t believe me? they’ll charge 65 dollars for a sandwich!!“). for three hours every friday, i’m reminded of what a college-level class should be like…all with the forcing you to think and react stuff.

conversely, while i love the fact that there is a dapper and distinguished teacher at a community college, my econ prof can put me to sleep during lecture. the man knows his stuff…oh but christ does he need to speak up. to be fair, he’s a wonderful wry humorist when it comes class problem solving participation time. never thought i’d come across that method at the college level but hey, if it’s done well, i actually learn.

architecture drafting — uh, i’m still wondering what me arse is doing in such a class. i have fun — i make the world’s most elementary mistakes — but i do have fun. graphite-y, grungy, math-confusion fun. and for the record, i still can’t find my damn architect’s scale.