rbsn ~ excursive

yay!!! two of my most favorite profs ever are in the hottest top five!! on occasion the masses do know what they’re clamoring about. :D

weighing the consequences of “no” versus “yes” is something i still struggle with on a daily basis. a particularly thorny and personal issue that’s been bonking me in the head for the past decade and a half.

lately that well of inadequacy has overflowed from its usual undercurrent. today was especially, to quote the myspace generation, teh sux0rs. and i do think this whole mess is entirely my fault. that self-sense of purposeful neglect and absent-mindedness has finally begun to bite me in the arse. in essence, i’ve not moved from square one: making that choice to give a damn and actually, y’know, pay attention. i give a lot on a daily basis but a part of me (that part that hates corporate work, hates working for others, hates selling out, daydreams) holds back the last shred of possible effort. the part that works hard has landed me a godforsaken amount of shite to attend to in the pending tray while the part that doesn’t give a damn has let me slip on keeping up here and there. and, for once, i’m contemplating choosing to give a damn. work the arse off for someone else. because this place i’m at right now isn’t so bad. it’s selling out and it’s draining my soul, but it’s fairly endurable – at times even enjoyable.

it’s easy to repeat the maxim you are who you feel you are, who you choose to be. yet i can’t help wondering that, if i give in, the part of me that pushes the boundaries will die just a little. if my chances to get up one day will diminish by that much. because there are missteps when i’m my own cheerleader.

just for captain’s log purposes…

lately i’ve been dreaming of …dun dun dun!! …accounting!! debiting this. crediting that. puzzle-solving the mystery of where the imbalance is coming from. sifting through more oms menus than i care to do in a lifetime. fuck this, i want something new to stress over!!

nearly a week now of arriving at the cubby-hole in the morning trenched in a state of Seriously Annoyed. i need to stop being an angry driver. even if every single damn driver on huntington at 8am is apparently a newbie to the area and have no sense of driving courtesy. i’m all calm about it now but ooo wait, tomorrow morning, when i’m all half-asleep and wishing i were back in my cocoon, idiots who can’t drive will threaten my peace of being yet again. i need another morning where i get a stare-down with a peacock soon.

gettin’ chunkay again. too much good food during lunch! even with all the running around at the cubby, i’m seein’ doubles (triples?? quadruples?!?! aye ya ya!!!).

and zomg so cuuuute!!!!

and that is all.

it’s like high school again. the giddy parts that put fluffy bunny patters in the insides so that you’re floating all day long. in my wizened old age, this whole thing just feels, urm, ridiculous(?). especially now that i’m singing along to gushy, emo songs. sometimes a huge playlist may not be good for my mental health!

in that vein, i still give lots of gooshy props to evan and joran, backstreet boys, googly dolls, and sarah maclachlan.

and oh yes, silly interweb meme for the day … three words that describe you…that’ll be a combo of “fucking fabulous pirate” thank you. kthxbi.

i mean, yarrr!!!!

fellow cubby-hole occupant to be getting hitched today — so now there’re giddy sparkles in the air all around. people in fits of giggles and the like. good times!

snagged casino royale on dvd today in widescreen. and yieah. still obsessed. still in love. melodrama the way grandma used to make. blanked out only for a bit during the action sequences. good lord do action sequences get dull sometimes.

reason #36251726354421772 to love my mousebot: i can surf the interweb while sprawled on my bed in a decidedly unladylike fashion.
tis bliss. full-on, lazy-arsed bliss.

over-worked at work. ugh. what an annoying mess it all is. boo.

the weege warbled esb’s imperial march on the way home yesterday and on the way to cubby-hole this morning. snagged soundtrack to recent peter pan flick today so the weege can warble that too. can’t wait.

i’m trying to think of a merit to the entire movie industry. i love movies. but damn they don’t really have a purpose on this planet. sign of an advanced civilization? that’s probably applicable to only 5% of the flicks produced per year. most of it is hackneyed, pandering drivel. sadness.

that said, teenrage mute hand ninjer turtles [sic] out on the big screen today. what i need to wear to a viewing of that is a seriously fobby rip off tmnt shirt. tubular!!

maserati covered with nearly 2,000 lbs of shattered glass.

i don’t get it. but i really, really wanna see it. to take lots of pictures of it. i mean, seriously, wtf?!?!

seriousness and honesty postponed. cuz i’ve got other things to drown myself in.

wait — what?! rhinos with nose rings???! and, um, elephants?! weird uruk-ish, uh, things(??) that are missing, err…arms?!

so basically i spent two hours in a theater confused as fuck and thoroughly unable to keep a straight face. gorgeous colors and visuals — just so historically inaccurate and utterly, utterly hollywood corntastic. because yieah, leonidas always sported a heavy scottish brogue. DUH!!

and again, as with when i watched the last samurai, i simply couldn’t help thinking about right clicking a mouse whenever someone yelled “regroup!”. or maybe thinking that the persians rolled out their Special Units when the immortals emerged (which, when the fuck did the immortals look like lizard people?!?!). someone was obviously super-high on happy-juice when they dreamed up this crazy, crazy shiznit.

god of war’s david jaffe is of the opinion that games can’t elicit the same amount of emotional reaction in its audience as does movies.

to which i ask him to sit in a theater through a couple dramatic heavy hitters one of these days and see how often most people laugh inappropriately cuz they never got the emotional point of a scene. and then marathon-play through games like gk2, tlj, thief, and ff7 without feeling that emo punch in the gut. a tight story/plot married with ably executed presentation can move people — regardless of the conveying medium. in gaming, the player is immersed into the storyline because the defining trait of gaming is its interactivity. that’s an incredible stage to work with. if you can’t get wrench any emotion out of your audience, then it’s cuz you’re missing something in your execution/story/plot. great movie ideas have been emotionally crippled from bad production efforts. same thing in game design. just because you couldn’t get your audience to cry doesn’t mean other designers can’t or haven’t already done so. DUH.

warble AM shuffle: oasis, moby’s matrix theme
warble PM shuffle: brubeck’s take five. that one is five thousand types of sexy. slippery, sloppy notes everywhere that tingle your inner swinging monkey.

and also: the cutest bot ever

so apparently it’s totally feasible for someone (say, me) to be brought down by feverish headaches just from eating too much raw onions.

w. t. f.

seriously.

so basically the past two days i rambled about the usual haunts with that oh-so-annoying faint throbbing in the back of the noggin. sitting too long in front of jedi bob only illicited further uncomfortables to the point of nausea. good god i hate nausea.

complain’ns aside, thank you to whoever’s providin’ the free broadband round these parts. looove that free wireless broadband action, love it! when i get rich (like totally) i’ll be opening a line for public use too.

dont wanna study.

so yieah.

i’d like to send y’all (ok, one person in particular today) a message of loooove:

you whine like a mule!

that about sums up the strange mixture of hilarity and annoyance i kept coming back to for the past few days. can’t help it. just all so incredibly stupid-amusing.

cripes i gotta gas up tomorrow. boo!

other bitties from today: sneezeroo!
and that i’ve been spacing out/dozing off mindlessly since about noon-ish. overchugged on salsa fresca for two days in a row and my GI tract is letting me know all. about. it. boo(!) indeed.

holy schmackeral, it actually means what i thought it meant. one of those occassional occasions when i haven’t butchered a word.

so yieah. words that’ve been in me head all evening: you inveterate little liar.

and there ya go.

yieah baby!!

i’d throw a party for all of me right now if i weren’t so full from eating all day today.

and in other news, gawd dang it’s cold. i sleep with socks on because i’m a wimp. yarrr!!