always slightly bewildering to know i’m capable of simultaneously entertaining a gaggle of conflicting emotions in any given moment. if i snatch a slice of quiet, my brain is rushed with all the current going-ons. love on top of stress on top of guilt on top of laziness on top of super-sonic-brainage on top of lust on top of anger on top of frustration. all with a consistently refreshed slathering of conscious disregard. i keep telling myself to stop giving a damn but i suppose that part of being me and being, you know, human, is to Give A Damn ™. a day-by-day, mentally exhausting exercise that is plagued with self-doubt while (surprise, surprise) occasionally bolstered by what is quite possibly an unhealthy dose of head-busting ego.
the best resolutions and convictions arrive in the dead of the night when none of the world is requiring my brain’s full attendance. i’m free to wander wherever and infuse the gray matter with plenty of the crazy and the inexplicable — just pack up and move to fantasy land with no over-the-shoulder peeping toms laying down the law of socially acceptable behaviors. so amazing. i’ve never been one to create any goals to achieve but i’m making one now.