it’s been a full, active day at werk so now i’m starting to feel the slightly nauseous woozy settle in. yuck.
have discovered that i’m more lady-like when i have the sniffles. cuz i’m conscious of trying not to cough out sputum, sneeze too obtusely, wave my germ-fested hands all over the place. am all contained within my personal space so as not to infect others. only time when the lady-like-ness will ever affect my physical actions. ha!
i. really. really. really. really. want. a. massage. especially since i’ve been couch-bound due to that oh-so-lovely seasonal sniffle. coughing (hacking, more like it), sneezing, throatache, headache, buttache, ow ow ow. i ask only to not lose my voice. that scratchy, raspy feeling is teh nastay.
semi-gift-exchange #4: hot chocolate to and hot chocolate back! and a polo shirt for mom. plus the newly acquired knowledge that someone stoled what i gave her mom last christmas. heh!
i still find it a luxury to be able to surf the net while lounging in bed. bliss.
ate something truly bizarre during lunch today (was it the lemon iced tea??) that caused severely uncomfortable stomach gurgles for the rest of the evening. ew. bathroom trips galore.
gift exchange #2: got opalescent lotion in return. can never go wrong with anything opalescent.
gift exchange #3: sideshow collectibles’ super chibi stormtrooper. pix forthcoming but OMG CUTENESS.
tired. turning in. nighties.
gift exchange #1: i got a Big Ole Yellow Rock in return. in addition to Lots Of Chicken Soup. best gift exchange ever.
holiday shopping excursion #4: saw linda at the mall. anne taylor’s collection for this season is dull with a capital D. i can quite possibly spent A Lot Of Money at cache. the last time i spent an extensive amount of time at eddie bauer’s was i-can’t-remember-when. feet sore-ish.
today? sore back and shoulder muscles. for whatever reason i’ve got extra cash even with all the holiday spending. so imma schedule me and mommy a massage session after new year’s. i so need one.
having been in l.a. for four-fifths of my life, christmas is more christmasy when it rains bucket loads of fat chubby waterdrops. cold and glittery. absolutely gorgeous.
people are So Lazy. ferheavenssake. test your system before calling! no-one is your 24 hour spoon-feeding service. grow up already.
and in other news, i’m badly in need of a manicure. consequences of a 7 hour present wrapping session yesterday.
which brings me to the following …present-wrapping session #1:
mini-nightmare wherein i realized that i switched the $15 gift cards with the $30 ones. oopths. some peeps this year will be receiving wonky gift card packaging. i’m all for ghetto, money-saving, time-saving wrapping strategies (e.g. number of lunch bags used thus far for wrapping: ~30). yards of ribbon consumed: too much for my liking. there are too many receipts for comfort as well — oh my god i spent so much money. a $60 dollar purchase that is three times my $20 budget but at least it’s for a cousin i lurve. best buy stole too much of my money this year.
shipping excursion #1: SIXTY FUCKING DOLLARS. OW(!) DAMMIT.
that is all. this post took me all afternoon to finish. gotter go pee now.
holiday shopping excursion #3: broked into two parts. best buy twice. roadblock for no reason at huntington and baldwin. too many goodies at bed,bath&beyond. who decided to discontinue the tlj/dreamfall pack?! stupid long lines at bath&body. woo(!) — glittery christmas sweater for $15 at aeropostale!! donation #(3?). damn heavy jars of pasta sauce.
Very. Tired. Feet.
also.
Oh. So. Broke.
some days you just wake up to a contemplative mood. a need to “deep-think” through all sorts of artsy-fartsy issues fueling a burning desire to eek out the stream-of-conscience in writing. then, when i get to the blank post page, i, err, blank out.
didn’t get enough sleep last night so i’m pretty sure i’ll blank out sometime later. today’s agenda? original trilogy marathon with the boy while he grinds away at squisheeboo’s stats in WOW. nerdliness galore and blissfully brainless.
a strange tendency towards nausea lately (and no, not for the popular pregger-related reasons). kind of worrying actually since i don’t know if it’s because i’m overly stressed, or overly tired, going through yet another bout of inner ear imbalance, or just plain suffering from some strange illness. nausea is debilitating — my most hated type of sickness ever. ew.
holiday shopping excursion #2: quickie best buy run in which i fulfilled three of my personal dvd wishes in addition to the usual batch of gift cards. all in under an hour. now that was nice.
of late, there’s been
lotion-squeezed love.
steamed eggie dinners.
and road trips (to arizona).
also — the past weekend’s 4+ hours of xmas grind:
conclusion of holiday shopping day 1: headache, nausea, only a little over a third of the list finished. more than slightly flabbergasted by the amount of money spent and to be spent. Z.O.M.G. in spite of the capitalism of it all, i still believe in santa clause.
a good meal can do wonders. something about vinegary yumminess mixed into fresh greens and soupy rice always gives me that well-fed, satisfied state of mind. good food is definitely kin to good sex. all the yuckiness of yesterday has been scrubbed away. nice to be able to move on.
omg, once again i will die from the cuteness overload.
squishy bobble-headed kitties certainly make up for all of today’s drama crap.
raining again. only this time, i’ve got sweeter memories to retreat to when i hear the sound of rain on concrete. how can anyone not love the rain?
anxious about tomorrow’s impending conversation. the more time drags on, the more the self-doubt gnaws away. that and, oh wow, i’m gonna miss clowning around with those guys. if not for the one person, werk would not be all that unbearable. and of course i keep wondering if i’m just a wimp for not being able to withstand the constant injustices and stress. why in the world i can’t wake up from this stream of absent-mindedness. am i really just the type that’s Too Nice. oh bleh. there’re plenty of holes in the waiting offer too. no instant available insurance plan, small company, women who are all older than i am, etcetra and so forth. mainly, i’m already missing the fun of stupid banter with folks my age. one of those “moments” in life i guess. hopefully it doesn’t turn out to be one of those “you make stupid bad decision!!” moments in life.
it’s surprisingly somewhat of a relief to know that, even though someone’s got my back in a way that my “back” has never experienced before, i’m still capable of sustaining such a capacity for self-doubt. it’s not wariness or lack of confidence in my abilities — rather the kind of doubt that arises from due analyzation/criticism of a current pending situation and a great amount of “giving a damn”. i am still my own person and my sensibilities in personal growth have not been curbed, whether stolen by the other half or freely given away. all this indicates how much i care for myself and my individual person. with a nice side effect of knowing how much the other half cares (which can’t ever be a bad thing) in addition to the brainy advice that’s readily served. so while this whole current experience sucks because doubt is Damn Uncomfy, it’s nice to know the suckage can be restrained and that i have the tools to keep it from taking over my brain.
it’s always funny-amusing to me how a seemingly innocuous topic for one day inadvertently becomes a recurring theme the following day. what started as a curiousity-fueled research into orgasms last night somehow got tangled up with today’s Random Subject For Browsing. all started from this post by hugo about male sexual ethics — which linked to another of his posts regarding the mary kay letourneau case (which i was Randomly Browsing About just this morning). my fuzzy theories on orgasm/self-knowledge/feminism/empowerment from last night just got bombarded with third party perspectives of all angles: the meaning of pleasure versus joy, sexual responsibility, the consititution of a “meaningful” relationship, so on and so forth. i don’t regularly spend my time exploring these topics and defining my personal perspective on them so it’s been an interesting two nights of muddling through a viscous soup. intuition is my preferred method of determining life decisions but effectiveness of gut feeling can and should only go so far in crafting a firm opinion. the last two nights have been a great exercise in me pushing my own boundaries in acceptance and self-challenge. you know, trying to be more tolerant and move on from a desire to punch deliberately obtuse people in the face. learning to be more detailed-oriented (somewhere, somehow, i’ve lost the ability to read and “get” every sentence on the page). forcing myself to tirelessly poke away at gray-lined issues and arrive at a justifiable conclusion, even if that conclusion still involves those gray-lines. learning when to stop throttling frustration at the inconclusives. and, thankfully, still feeling The Humble. there are always many more sheep in the flock. nice little reminder that.
p.s. as a side-note, this type of brain massage is infinitely more preferable and self-fulfilling than any of the thinking i’ve done at werk for the past year.
p.p.s., omg i’ve just died from cuteness overload.
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