raining again. only this time, i’ve got sweeter memories to retreat to when i hear the sound of rain on concrete. how can anyone not love the rain?
anxious about tomorrow’s impending conversation. the more time drags on, the more the self-doubt gnaws away. that and, oh wow, i’m gonna miss clowning around with those guys. if not for the one person, werk would not be all that unbearable. and of course i keep wondering if i’m just a wimp for not being able to withstand the constant injustices and stress. why in the world i can’t wake up from this stream of absent-mindedness. am i really just the type that’s Too Nice. oh bleh. there’re plenty of holes in the waiting offer too. no instant available insurance plan, small company, women who are all older than i am, etcetra and so forth. mainly, i’m already missing the fun of stupid banter with folks my age. one of those “moments” in life i guess. hopefully it doesn’t turn out to be one of those “you make stupid bad decision!!” moments in life.
it’s surprisingly somewhat of a relief to know that, even though someone’s got my back in a way that my “back” has never experienced before, i’m still capable of sustaining such a capacity for self-doubt. it’s not wariness or lack of confidence in my abilities — rather the kind of doubt that arises from due analyzation/criticism of a current pending situation and a great amount of “giving a damn”. i am still my own person and my sensibilities in personal growth have not been curbed, whether stolen by the other half or freely given away. all this indicates how much i care for myself and my individual person. with a nice side effect of knowing how much the other half cares (which can’t ever be a bad thing) in addition to the brainy advice that’s readily served. so while this whole current experience sucks because doubt is Damn Uncomfy, it’s nice to know the suckage can be restrained and that i have the tools to keep it from taking over my brain.